Thursday, January 14, 2010

The leaf

So there I was, braving bitter cold wind chills in the -20 range last week blowing out my driveway yet again after another onslaught of snow and wind filled the end of the drive.

Bundled up in nearly every piece of clothing I could find, including facemask and hooded sweatshirt tied tightly so there was just a little window through which to see, I cleared a path - again.

As I ran the snow blower I couldn't happen to notice through my narrow little window white everywhere.  We have gotten roughly 30 inches of snow here since Christmas.  Pelted with snow is the best way to describe it, I guess.

On this Thursday morning as I was going about my business there was much on my heart and mind, so as I blew away I prayed for all of those things on my heart.  Just 12 hours before I had been dealt a blow in one of my businesses that left me staggering and stumbling, much like this winter's snow - yet again.

This business has been a perpetual source of questions hurled at my Savior..."Why God?"  "What do you want me to do with this, God?"  "What am I going to do now, God?"  Know what I mean?

I am not a very astute businessman, but we have managed to function in this business for a number of years and I have learned much.  The timing on this news was perhaps the toughest to take, as a lot of things are going on now and are on the horizon.

So Thursday, as I blew snow in the arctic temperatures, I petitioned the God who sent his Jesus to die that I might live, yet again - asking, "Now what God?"  "Why God?"  "I know you tell me you have plans for me, for hope and a future, but I am sick of this, God!"

It isn't too often that I am phased by these kinds of things, but I headed for the tank all the while wanting to trust in those promises God makes me. Mark 10:24 was fresh on my mind, though - "I believe, help my unbelief."

Hearing my petitions, as Jeremiah writes..."When you call on me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you," God showed up.

Through my tiny window in the facemask and sweatshirt, amidst the white everywhere, it blew right in front of me.

A leaf.

"What in the world?," I thought to myself.  "Where in the world did that come from?"

Tumbling from north to south down the street at the end of my driveway, a LEAF!

A leaf, you ask?

My mind immediately went to the book of James.  While not talking about leaves, the passage jumped to my mind and into my soul - as it often does when I want help with my unbelief.

James 1:6
"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

I so often petition Jesus to hear my prayer.  I play it off like I am some super-Christian who never doubts, but I do.  I do in the prayers for my business, for my family and for my ministry.  I am so often like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Kinda like that leaf.

There are so many for whom I am in prayer today.  The people of Haiti; others in hospitals; friends with incredible hurts in their lives; others in the midst of transitions in life.

When my phone rings twice within an hour Wednesday from people needing prayer, do they have any idea who they are asking to pray for them?  If they knew that I am often like a wave of the sea - or that leaf - maybe they should have called someone else!?!?

Jesus, help me believe.  I beg you to hold me close, to draw me ever nearer to your heart, to know - I mean KNOW - that you hear me and are listen when I cry out to you.  Jesus, may the cries of my heart align with yours.  May my prayers be yours, Jesus.

May we believe - believe in the sovereignty of a God who loves us so much that he was willing to send his one and only son as THE atoning sacrifice for our sins; believe that the creator of all things loves us with a love that we cannot fathom; believe that when we cry out to him that he hears us!

He is in control, He is mighty to save, He is the Alpha and the Omega - the beginning and the end.

Thank you for the leaf, Jesus.  Please continue to help me through my unbelief!

25 comments:

janelle said...

I can't read this without crying; I know he never promised it would be easy but why does it have to be so dang hard sometimes?!!

Sooo thankful for you and your framily; don't know how me and mine could "do" this life without you. Praying for you as you pray for us.

patty said...

Chris, people call you to pray not because you're perfect but because you're real and authentic. They call you because when you say you'll pray you do. They call you because you're honest with where you've been. They call you, brother, because you show Christ in your words and deeds. Thank you for sharing, for struggling, and for fighting for faith. May you be blessed...

Steph said...

Wow! You have just articulated the thoughts of so many, including me. What patty said is so true! God doesn't use well polished vases - only the ones that are weak and cracked - I am thanking God for that. Thanks for your thought-provoking post.

hope42day said...

The best thing about belief? Just when you think you can't hold on anymore, God sends a sign to grip tighter, hold strong and lean on Him. I will be praying for you.

aa said...

goodjob!........................................

Carol said...

Great post,Chris. I am hearing you with all the snow! Isn't it wonderful that friends and family know they can call upon you to pray for them? They KNOW you do and you are. Thanking God for reminders such as your leaf in the storms of life!

Cindy said...

Amen Brother, I know those doubts, prayers and questions. I never ever thought I could hurt, doubt and question a God I so thought I trusted and believed. Oh My Lord God above truly Help me in my unbelief. I struggle with the more I believe the stronger my unbelief feels. Journeying this wild adventure with you friend.

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annie said...

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ee said...

喜歡看大家的文章,每篇都是一個故事,都是一種心情~~祝大家開心愉快 ........................................

JEALSTI said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jeffry said...

It is that painful and awkard personal awareness of who we are NOT, that makes us as believers, who we are!

We are the salt and light, (Matthew 5:13-16).

That is only possible with people who KNOW, that they KNOW, that they are nothing, in and of themselves, apart from Christ.

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希宜潔綺 said...

may the blessing be always with you!! ........................................

冠琴 said...

人生是故事的創造與遺忘。...............................................................

韋于倫成 said...

期待你的下次更新喔^____^........................................

gocod said...

死亡是悲哀的,但活得不快樂更悲哀。.........................

sdas said...

A stitch in time saves nine. ........................................

萱祥 said...

It is easier to get than to keep it...................................................................

雅馨 said...

Necessity is the mother of invention...................................................................

洪筱婷 said...

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婷珊 said...

Pay somebody back in his own coin..................................................................