The leaf

So there I was, braving bitter cold wind chills in the -20 range last week blowing out my driveway yet again after another onslaught of snow and wind filled the end of the drive.

Bundled up in nearly every piece of clothing I could find, including facemask and hooded sweatshirt tied tightly so there was just a little window through which to see, I cleared a path - again.

As I ran the snow blower I couldn't happen to notice through my narrow little window white everywhere.  We have gotten roughly 30 inches of snow here since Christmas.  Pelted with snow is the best way to describe it, I guess.

On this Thursday morning as I was going about my business there was much on my heart and mind, so as I blew away I prayed for all of those things on my heart.  Just 12 hours before I had been dealt a blow in one of my businesses that left me staggering and stumbling, much like this winter's snow - yet again.

This business has been a perpetual source of questions hurled at my Savior..."Why God?"  "What do you want me to do with this, God?"  "What am I going to do now, God?"  Know what I mean?

I am not a very astute businessman, but we have managed to function in this business for a number of years and I have learned much.  The timing on this news was perhaps the toughest to take, as a lot of things are going on now and are on the horizon.

So Thursday, as I blew snow in the arctic temperatures, I petitioned the God who sent his Jesus to die that I might live, yet again - asking, "Now what God?"  "Why God?"  "I know you tell me you have plans for me, for hope and a future, but I am sick of this, God!"

It isn't too often that I am phased by these kinds of things, but I headed for the tank all the while wanting to trust in those promises God makes me. Mark 10:24 was fresh on my mind, though - "I believe, help my unbelief."

Hearing my petitions, as Jeremiah writes..."When you call on me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you," God showed up.

Through my tiny window in the facemask and sweatshirt, amidst the white everywhere, it blew right in front of me.

A leaf.

"What in the world?," I thought to myself.  "Where in the world did that come from?"

Tumbling from north to south down the street at the end of my driveway, a LEAF!

A leaf, you ask?

My mind immediately went to the book of James.  While not talking about leaves, the passage jumped to my mind and into my soul - as it often does when I want help with my unbelief.

James 1:6
"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

I so often petition Jesus to hear my prayer.  I play it off like I am some super-Christian who never doubts, but I do.  I do in the prayers for my business, for my family and for my ministry.  I am so often like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Kinda like that leaf.

There are so many for whom I am in prayer today.  The people of Haiti; others in hospitals; friends with incredible hurts in their lives; others in the midst of transitions in life.

When my phone rings twice within an hour Wednesday from people needing prayer, do they have any idea who they are asking to pray for them?  If they knew that I am often like a wave of the sea - or that leaf - maybe they should have called someone else!?!?

Jesus, help me believe.  I beg you to hold me close, to draw me ever nearer to your heart, to know - I mean KNOW - that you hear me and are listen when I cry out to you.  Jesus, may the cries of my heart align with yours.  May my prayers be yours, Jesus.

May we believe - believe in the sovereignty of a God who loves us so much that he was willing to send his one and only son as THE atoning sacrifice for our sins; believe that the creator of all things loves us with a love that we cannot fathom; believe that when we cry out to him that he hears us!

He is in control, He is mighty to save, He is the Alpha and the Omega - the beginning and the end.

Thank you for the leaf, Jesus.  Please continue to help me through my unbelief!